Just Hold My Hand | Romance Beyond Babies Blues

As a mother of 4 and a granny who’s pushing 60 I’ve been around long enough to understand to pick and choose your battles. I get it. Who really thinks about romance when you’ve been feeling like a “milk cow” for months. Who really longs to be intimate when your body is twice it’s size. Who really says ooo lala when those sweatpants are everyday wear? Your husband thinks about it…romance. It’s manifested in many ways.

I’d hate to be inside a guy’s head. Really. Think about it. Men think way more blue than pink. At our least sensuous feeling times, there’s a hand that wraps around your waist and a smooth talker in your ear. Your husband! Honestly, what’s a wife to do? Say yes and fake the smile? Say no and wonder if the rejection will thwart future power moves? There’s an answer.

The much-needed conversation of intimate issues refreshes a soul. I’m not here to give specific details on what and how you should do such and such. I’m here to walk beside you and say, “I understand.” Our “romance” of the honeymoon phase quickly makes that shine on the penny dull as the doldrums of daily chores. I get it. But there’s hope beyond the hubby’s awkward passes.

Honest talk is difficult. Whether you write him a letter or try talking he is not a mind reader. He cares deeply about you, otherwise, he’d never have married you in the first place. Insecurities and expectations roll into the romance. We all fall short if we’re expecting a romance novel to play out into our lives. Let’s get real. Love is an action not always an emotion. Those actions as awkward as it may seem are understated. I’ve heard it said, “Women are crockpots. Men are microwaves.”

Women are the creative counterpart (most times.) Our nature is to nurture. His nature is to conquer and protect.  During the “first love” phase lustful passion is a first priority. Romance fades. Reality freaks us out. Now what?

Read up! Be wise about what the true experts say. One of my favorite authors is Linda Dillow. She’s guided me through some very difficult times and her book “Intimate Issues” talks about absolutely everything a gal wants to ask. That book is why I have baby number 3. *don’t ask… 😊* Don’t set a self-help book in front of him, because he probably thinks he’s fine.


Action Orientated! Set up a win/win. Is it too much to put an X on the calendar for romance? Do we need to schedule a conversation? Remember we’re human and not a character in a romance novel. Is it awkward? Of course. Do you want to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results? Insane. You got a phone? Text him. Oh yes… be safe on what you say because it could have roaming eyes. “I’ve been thinking about you all day!” is our phrase. Find your code. Text. And remember the power of the STICKY NOTE!

Relax and enjoy!   Life comes back to old marriages. We celebrate 34 years in December. And our love languages are quite different. I love encouragement. He loves touch.(Which is most men’s love language.) Your husband has a beautiful blueprint. As wives, we connect the dots. They’re sexual creatures too. So set up a caregiver network. Remember the X on the calendar? We’re in need of an “adult time out.” Being with hubby is a priority, not an extra add on. Enjoy in exploration. What has infected your attitude about romance?

Be free once more. Taking action takes effort. We have 5 senses. Smell (perfume it up.) Sight (Cost isn’t a factor. You won’t be wearing it long.) Hearing (Music makes moves happen.) Touch (Only you two know!) Taste (Oh so personal I won’t even go there.)  

Romance begins with ideas. Ideas manifest themselves through actions. Actions are ways we experience and show love. Saturate your heart and mind with ways to apply your romantical actions. However, if and when expectations are thwarted, you go back to that wedding day, “For better or worse.”  “Better is right around the corner, but you may have to drive in circles for a while.”- Coach DeenaMcD


 Love is patient and kind. Rock your romance. Never forget to hold hands.

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