The Void and the Village: Embracing Change

I’ve never fantasized about being pregnant or what the season of maternity would look like. Becoming a parent was never attached to the concept of a fairy tale. Being a mom was synonymous of hard work and sacrifice, lots of sacrifices. When I got pregnant I was mentally ready for the challenge. Now I face some unwanted bumps here and there, but they were all relatively expected. The one thing that caught me off guard was to see all of my relationships change. Not only my relationship with my partner (which was expected to some extent) but with close friends, family, and myself. While pregnant you’re advised to attend numerous classes to help you get ready for the big moment, the moment your heart will meet the reason you’ve been alive for this long. What they don’t prepare you for is the abyss you’re about to face when suddenly your world is turned upside down in the most beautiful way, but some pieces will never find its way back into place.

Something has changed. You know it’s you.

You know the moment you gave birth has changed you forever. So how do you cope with the void that inevitably is created after all the attention you’ve been receiving so far slowly dissipates? All the excitement of the pregnancy is now transferred to the new face in town, the baby everyone has joyfully expected. The first few weeks new mom and dad are flooded with visits and phone calls and messages. Relatives move mountains to be there and hold the baby and witness the first bath and help put the baby to sleep. Then, at some point, baby news isn’t news anymore and life goes back to normal…for everybody else! Except for that pair of new parents who are left to pick up the pieces of what’s left of their own sense of normality. Dad must go back to work while mom continues to devote herself endlessly to that new human. With all the hormones changes, doubts and hesitations, she keeps going, finally finding time and energy to text her friends hoping for a get-together, somebody to remind her of who she is before being a mom. Unfortunately, they have their busy schedules, those you once were part of, the crazy days of working long hours and the fun of meeting the girls to “catch up”. Now you feel desperate to have an intelligent conversation with someone that will reply back or even hear something else other than yourself repeating over and over how many times she napped or how many ounces she’s drinking now. But they’re just so busy! Maybe tomorrow.

Something has changed. And you know it’s you.

You can’t go back! You don’t even want to go back! This is you now, a transformed, empowered, and a refined version of yourself. Nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing to apologize for. The show must go on and you have to find new connections, a new tribe that will resonate with you. People that will speak the same language as you now. The tribe that will find a place in their hearts for your insecurities and will celebrate the small victories as their own. Yes, motherhood can be lonely and scary sometimes but it’s truly a blessing to find your new set of the puzzle and see all these new pieces falling in place again. That’s the beauty of endings and beginnings.

Cheers to new friendships and the season of change. Cheers to the opportunity of learning, giving, and receiving from each other. Now if you excuse me I’ll go put on my baby some essential oils I made in a class today for moms who wanted to learn more about the usage of oils on babies. You know…new connections! May we all be those new connections and may we all find those connections. Praise your ending, embrace your beginning and find your tribe. When you find yourself in season of change, know change is ok.

Everything has changed. And you know its all because of you, and that’s ok too!

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